Dnt_Go_To_Bookstores

I recently went to a place called The Book Rack in Florence, Ky.
It’s a USED book store.
I didn’t know they still made those things.
I wasn’t sure what to make of the place at first.
I’m used to well-lit and organized places that sale NEW books, like Barnes & Noble or Borders.
Places where I can grab a cup of the fancy coffee they serve and chill on the comfy couch while perusing a book I never intend on buying.
Like libraries with coffee. And without shushing librarians.
I had never been to a used book store.
Not sure if I’ve ever even purchased a used book. Unless you count paying for a library book that you never returned.
But used books always struck me as....... germy.
Kind of like buying a used lollipop.
You don’t know where that thing has been!
But this place was different.
It was dark and dusty/musty/moldy smelling.
And FULL of books.
When I say “full”, I mean, OMGIHAVENEVERSEENSOMANYBOOKSINONEPLACEINALLMYLIFEPUTTOGETHER!
The place was cluttered with them. Books EVERYWHERE.
The books shelves were PACKED. Books were stacked on the floor in front of shelves, and on top of the shelves and in the shelves and on and on.
There were books on books on books stacked on books riding on books.
It was like Dr. Seuss’s Book Shop.
I began to worry what might happen if a passerby accidently flipped a cigarette butt into the open doorway.
The place would be a raging inferno before you could make your way out.
The dude who runs it was quite the character.
We’ll call him Mr. Sneelock.
He struck me as a retired psychologist or something, as he seemed to read people as if THEY were an open book themselves.
That and he kept asking me to lie down on his couch.
Not really.
Anybook…
I wandered around and tried to make sense of the shelves and haphazard organization, to no avail.
I finally took a shot and asked Mr. Sneelock if he knew whether he had any books on Einstein, Crichton, or Koontz.
Mr. Sneelock immediately took me to the appropriate shelf AND even fetched me the 4 books he currently had on them.
Seems Mr. Sneelock’s brain was hiding the dewy decimal system for this Seussian Shop.
Although Ole' Sneelock wasn’t a big smiler, he was super nice.
In fact, he gave me almost as many books free as I ended up purchasing.
With the internet nowadays, I had pretty much given up actual space-taking-up books.
But, after my trip to The Book Rack, I may have to reconsider.
What about you? Do you still read actual books? Have you heard of this thing called a “Used” book store?

*Mr. Sneelock/Book Rack did not pay me to write this, nor give me the free books so I would. In fact, he doesn’t even know about it. And I hope, if he should ever find out about it, that he won’t sue me.*
**Mr. Sneelock was not his real name, but was the name of a Dr. Seuss character in “If I Ran The Circus”….I think….Or maybe not………Regardless, it doesn’t matter.**

Dnt_Be_Surprised

US Congressman Weiner admits to sending women pictures of his ......... online.

Shocking.

No, not another philandering politician but a man named Weiner showing off his ...........

Dude practically has a porn name.

"Anthony Weiner playing the part of The Pizza Delivery Guy, Tony Weiner."

Lets be real here, the WHOLE House of Representatives sound like a cast of a porno.

Listen up:

Speaker of the House, John Boner (Boehner).

Democratic Leader, Nancy Peloosey (Pelosi).

Majority Leader, Eric..... well, I can't think of one that rhymes with "Cantor" and without knowing the name of the street he grew up on its next to impossible to think of an alternative porn name.

Regardless, you see my point.

Capital Hill is basically a VIVID Entertainment production.

Only thing missing is a cameo from Ron Jeremy and Ice La Fox.

Besides, Weiner is a Democrat.

Behavior like that is practically a party requirement.

(I.E. Jeff Wood, "Going In" Gordon Hintz, Dick Cheney and so on and so forth)

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Dnt_Get_Addicted

One of my friends just called me and told me he has an addiction.

I wont mention any names (Chris Mathis) but let me say its definitely NOT Chris..

And its as bad as crack.

So me being the friend that I am, I tried to have an intervention..

First, I listened attentively as Chris he confessed the addiction.

Then I asked Chris him questions to better understand Chris' his addiction.

Like

"Are you effing serious?"

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Why?"

"What happens if you don't do it for awhile?"

"What do you get out of it?"

"Do you sit in your boxers, eating cheetos while you're doing it?"

Because I'm passionate about other people's struggles and all.

I also tried pointing out the seriousness of the matter.

"You know that's seriously sad, right?"

"How do you think this effects your family?"

"You NEED help!"

"You're pathetic."

Because I care when a friend is hurting and/or misguided.

I even tried making fun of the addiction.

"Yeah, I used to do something similar....... when I was a kid."

"I can't believe it, you know you have lost ALL your cool points, right?"

Sadly, it didn't take.

Just like most addicts, Chris he needs his fix.

Chris he can't stop.

Its like crack.

Chris he is a crack hoe.

Except in Chris' his case, he's an Bieber hoe.

Yup. He's a Biebler or whatever they call themselves.

He has the blu ray.

Streams all of Justin's performances.

Never misses an appearance.

Truly sad.

But it does make me feel better about myself tho.

Dnt_Use_Facebook

You might be asking yourself about me "Where has he been? And how is he reading my mind? And how is he STILL doing it? And will he know if I think of something off the wall and extra bizarre like........ 'pink pickled pigs' pheet' ooooorrrrr 'unicorn corn on the cob'?? Yo wth, he's good at this mind reading stuff, but that still doesnt explain his blogging absence.."

Well, let me answer all your questions with subliminal telepathic morse code.

"Yup --..--....---... playoffs...---..---......---homework..--......-.........---....---Justin...--....-----...----facebook.....---...Baseball......-.....---....Beiber...----.....-....-......---netflix.....-....lazy---....twitter"

(pretend I said all of that with my mind.... to you)

but yeah... umm... Facebook is the devil..

Facebook is like a high school reunion that follows us around wherever we go..

Seriously..

We reconnect with people we havent seen since High School

completely forgetting the reason we lost touch in the first place wasnt because of graduation and going our separate ways, but because that person wasnt really our friend to begin with..

We also get subjected to seeing how much better off everyone else is than us.

While we live paycheck to paycheck just to make ends meet, some of our classmates have traveled the world, climbed Everest, earned their Doctorates or MD's, have trophy/supermodel spouses and boatloads of cash laying around..

Often, we find ourselves stalking their photes, perusing their walls and lurking around their status updates just looking to find a weakness..

Just lil sliver of something to say "Ah ha!! There it is! Not so perfect now, are you!", thereby making us feel so much better about ourselves.

Maybe some of us didnt go to some fancy school, or even finish college.

Maybe we didnt methodically plan our career path or life journey in the 8th grade.

Maybe while you were out drinking and smoking through mom and dad's tuition money we were out living life out here in the real world.

Maybe we have a job that requires us to sit at a desk all day and pretend to work. (all while secretly plotting our fancy classmate's destruction)

Maybe we dont make six figures, have nice cars, big houses or go on super vacations around the world..

Maybe we have a bunch of kids.

So what!?

Our life is GREAT!!

We are HAPPY!!

Cant you see how f%*king happy we are?!?!?

CANT YOU!?!?

F@%k you, Facebook...

Dnt_Be_Mean

I keep hearing about how most of my posts/tweets/statuses are too dark or mean.. I am now offering to change my type color to yellow and surround it with a bunch of smileys :)

I have never purposedly set out to be negative, mean or dark, most of the times its just the nature of my humor.. Foreal, foreal I dont "set out" to be anything, Im like the "thought" gate keeper.. I will occasionally open the gates and whatever flows out, so be it... Hopefully its amusing..

Now that I think about it, I dont think Ive ever promised to be make happy posts, tweets or statuses.. Or even funny for that matter.. Contrary to what you believe some people enjoy mean humor.. Yes, they may be sick individuals but individuals nonetheless, no?? They need a laugh too, even if its at someone else's expense..

I prefer to let my thoughts flow uncensored.. Kind of like a movie for "kids".. We all know that its sold to kids but has more jokes in it for the adults watching.. Aight, maybe thats a bad example and honestly, I dont even know if that makes sense lol.. But similes and metaphors arent my strong suit and Im not really sure what is.. Maybe Advanced Algorithmic Geometry?? Is that even a subject tho?? I think I just made that one up..

But anyway......

I wonder if that dude Picasso had people telling him that he couldnt put noses on upside down or give women three breasts (im assuming you know who/what Im talking about.. if not, you have my permission to skip the next few sentences).. But like him, not alot of yall get me.. And no, I am not comparing myself to Picasso.. I dont even paint, and Ive never seen a woman with 3 breasts but if I did, chances are I would look away anyway :).. <==There goes another smiley for you.. But if i were to compare myself to an artist, it would probably be Van Gugh because just like him, stuff always gets.... fuzzy?? and the lines are always blurry.. Unlike him, nobody wants my stuff.. AND I have BOTH of my ears..

Another anyway...

If you dont find my humor funny, thats aight, because sometimes I dont either.. Question: is it still humor if no one thinks its funny? Answer: probably.

Maybe its not good humor.. Maybe the right person just hasnt read it yet.. Maybe they have and just were laughing too hard to comment/acknowledge it.. Or maybe the people who didnt laugh were just lame.. Either way, its too many variables..

Dnt_Do_Nothing

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like doing nothing?

Wait..

Isnt doing "nothing" actually doing......... "something"?

If so, how would you do it?

And how would you describe doing it?

Nothing has been described as "THAT which rocks dream about"

Which makes me wonder... what would you call THAT "nothing" when it rains?

And if doing "nothing" is really nothing then you say youre "not doing anything."

You wouldnt say "not doing nothing" because thats a double negative.

Which, in math would make it a positive when multiplying. But this isnt math.

Is it "multiplying" or "timesing"?

Sometimes I say "timesing."

Regardless, everyone knows that negative numbers really stand for nothing.

How the hell did math work its way into this convo?

Damn you, Math..

You're an asshole

Anyway...

What was I saying?

Oh yeah..

Nothing...

Dnt_Combine_2_Songs

So like Ive stated a million times before, contrary to popular belief I AM NOT TOO COOL TO WATCH gLee. The show is awesome and I would like to thank @beautiful_Eyes8 for putting me onto it. And truth be told, I actually learned something from the show just now and that is..

Gays are people too...

Even if they are racist against people who are prejudice of their lifestyle and secretly desire to be kissed by straight people, that doesnt give you the right to start shoving random gay dudes into their lockers..

I also learned that some gays may be great singers and dancers, but combining two or more songs into one just fucks with EVERYONE'S heads and should never be attempted again..

And you might think Im prejudice for saying all this.. And you might be right because youre gay and like homo activities from time to time, but aye.. that just proves my point..

I dont hate the gay dudes anymore than I hate the lil midgets, illegal immigrants or that lil nigga (I been trying not to say the nigga word in my blogs, but f it) brown bear dude Alfy or however you spell his name.. (I REALLY dislike dude, but thats a different story for another day)..

Theyre all equals in my eyes.. Its just the actions that bother me

You can say they were "born that way" or they were "made that way", it doesnt really matter to me..

Your mother and father may have dealt you a wack hand, but its all up to you what kind of strip poker you play..

Midgets are born small and yet... they choose to wrestle and/or scare niggas with their freakish stature and super small hands..

Illegals are born super super far away, you pick the country and they choose to hop in those lil Lethal Weapon (I watched this movie this weekend and it was super good so I had to throw a lil reference in there) crates with no air, 60 deep and hope half of them make it into the US alive..

And that nigga, Alfy.. Yo, EVERYONE knew how annoying dude was with that "I rarely allow anyone into my flat, so you should feel lucky." quote (I still to this day have NO idea why I remember him saying that off the top of my head) but through some crazy, annoying way he chose to stay on tv EVERY DAY!!!

But yeah, my point is: have your lil pride parades and civil unions and super fashion sense and singing/dancing abilities all you want but dont combine two songs into one and think its perfectly fine...

Shout out to @beautiful_Eyes8 for putting me onto gLee tho... Follow her